It’s been a week now I am working with my girlfriend to understand LDR – Long Distance Relationship. So far, here are some points that we discovered about LDR.
Hard but possible to succeed. There are few couples that are more intimate and emotionally stable when in LDR and there are some that it is like a relationship in hell.
LDR is very challenging and worst; “is it worth waiting?” “Does he still feel the same way as before?” Is he secretly meeting someone?” The longer the couple are apart, the more these uncertainties will aggravate.
Having something to look forward to together usually helps, some date that you are both waiting for. It is usually the next time you are able to see each other. But it can be a major life changes as well – like looking forward to move to other person’s place, vacation together and so on… The moment you stop looking forward for something you will be stuck in emotional crisis.
One thing that is true about all relationships is that if they’re not growing, then they’re dying.
The possibility of unintentionally judge too fast. LDR is very challenging to the point that you need to control your emotions, slow to judgement is very much required in LDR and it is not easy especially for girls. Mostly the feeling of get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive because they see that every casual social outing without them is a potential threat to their relationship.
They become paranoid.
Others become extremely crazy; small things that go wrong is an end. Like if the battery dies, signal is slow and can’t do skype, late reply, no signal etc…All of these non sense are unhelpful but normal to feel when you are in LDR. It is important to disregard your own judgement and inclinations. Remind yourself that you really don’t know what’s going on and the best thing you can do at any moment is simply ask your partner.
Others are different, they focused on their partner’s good qualities to admire for. Imagining how perfect they are and how good to have him even 10000 miles away. This is how powerful the mind is; mind can control emotions as long as we allow it.
Another thing is that communication issues. Forcing to communicate, obligated the other person to communicate all the time. Disappointment and anger strikes and stupid fights begin. These arguments never lead to anywhere useful. I think the best thing to do here is make the communication optional, talk when you want to talk. Understand that we need to attend to other things outside of the relationship. Doing this is not easy it requires “TRUST”.
And lastly, LDR cannot survive without hope. And to have this hope, there must be some possibility that two of you will together somehow in the future. Without that futuristic vision, eventually everything else will begin to feel meaningless. Not just only sharing that vision but both of you must be in the same page in working through that vision.
LDR can work? It can and It can’t. Usually, no. But again majority of the relationships does. But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try it.